The biggest news from the episode will be the outcome of the Peter-Madison sexy sex reveal. That is, what will Madison do now that she knows Peter had some sex after Madison kinda-sorta told him not to? But the bulk of tonight is devoted to a bunch of contestants clinging to their
guns and religion fifteen minutes of fame by rehashing old dumb fights in a studio. We also get an odd reveal of the next Bachelorette, and it is a great choice, though we find out when the show’s obligatory ad requesting contestants to date the “next Bachelorette” says it will be Clare Crawley and they include a picture. Weird, though I guess if you were generically applying to be on the show you might not care if it is Kelsey or Kelley, but you might care if it is someone who is ten years older than they are. Clare Crawley (Juan Pablos’s season) known to readers of this blog from Bachelor Winter Games, was on the show in 2014. Anyway, the most notable things about Clare are that she trashed Juan Pablo on her way out, and also that she is 20 days younger than former mayor and former Presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg.
The noise Juan Pablo made at 16 seconds haunts my dreams. My recollection of the context of the above is that Clare and Juan Pablo “were intimate” on a date and then Juan Pablo essentially told Clare that he wouldn’t want his daughter to see him be with a woman like her. Slut shaming is what all the cool guys do with their girlfriends! I personally am excited for a Bachelorette who is 38. I am not the target demo, however. Still, the best part of this development is that Victor texted me to say that if Clare is the Bachelorette he would blog, trial be damned.
Before we get to me very cursory coverage of some ladies yelling at each other, let’s figure out what happened with Madison. Did she drop out and endorse Joe Biden? Or is she going to show up for
Super Tuesday the rose ceremony?
At the end of the last episode, we saw Madison walking away from Peter after finding out that he boned one or both of her roommates. Alleged homes-wrecker Victoria F and (possibly no longer co?) co-frontrunner Hannah Ann are heading to the rose ceremony, and the question is whether Madison will be joining them. Peter tells Chris Harrison that “it is not easy right now.” To be fair, Peter seems legitimately pained when he is forced to rehash the situation with Chris Harrison. I mean, he hurt one of his girlfriends a lot and that sucks. Then again, he has two model girlfriends left, so it could be worse.
Victoria F and Hannah Ann are present for a very scenic rose ceremony, and they are waiting to see if Madison will join them. The weather seems just a little bit too cold for what they are wearing. Notably Victoria F and Hannah Ann are both wearing white or cream dresses, and Madison shows up in red. She greets Chris Harrison and tells Chris Harrison “I was falling in love with him and then last night happened and now I don’t really know.”
Peter walks up to the windswept rose ceremony platform and tells the women “I just want you all to know that I am so grateful for our relationship. You all have a little piece of my heart. Knowing that I have to hurt one of you is… absolutely going to destroy me.” Well, good news, you seem to have already hurt one of them. Wait, that news is bad. Peter offers the first rose to Hannah Ann. I think this is insurance for if Madison turns him down. But since we didn’t see anything after Madison walked away, we don’t know her thoughts on this whole deal. Peter picks up the second and last rose and several petals fall off of it. Narrative! Peter says “Madison” and after a beat, Madison walks forward and accepts the faulty rose from a very sad Peter. Actually, Madison says “yeah” in response to the obligatory “well you accept this rose?” and Peter asks “you sure?” and she says “yeah” again. I guess we will get a second Victoria at the Women Tell All.
Out of context, this was a pretty odd ceremony. In the history of the show no one has been as standoffish about getting one of the two roses at this rose ceremony. I do think that Peter may regret hurting Madison, and he may be afraid that he almost lost her because he didn’t listen to her or make very logical inferences about her, and he may wish he could undo what he did. Then again, Madison gave Peter an ultimatum (whether she admits it or not) and being moody about accepting a rose is not the same as keeping her word and leaving Peter.
Peter sits with Victoria F and tells her that everything they had was “real.” Victoria F says she “feel[s] stupid” and “it is what it is.” It is fitting that Victoria F was beaten at her own game. For the whole season she essentially negged Peter into keeping her, banking on his desire to chase the person who was pushing him away the hardest. Madison was the first contestant to push Peter harder than Victoria F, and now Victoria F is in a limo headed
home straight to Paradise.
Peter returns to his remaining girlfriends and tells Hannah Ann and Madison that his family is in Australia and they are excited to meet Hannah Ann and to see Madison again. Madison makes a toast “here’s to… seeing if love can conquer all.” That seems like something she had planned. Also, the finale is two nights next week. Chris Harrison tells us that “not a single person knows how Peter’s journey ends, not even Peter.” That is interesting phrasing. But I suppose I’ll watch.
The Women Tell All
We are back in a studio filled with Bach-a-holics and Chris Harrison. We will be joined by Tammy, Mykenna, Alayah, Victoria P, and Kelsey. Oh, and Victoria F. Also there but less relevant during the season are Alexa, Deandra, Katrina, Kiarra, Kylie, Lexi, Maurissa, Sarah, Savannah, Shiann, and Sydney. The selection of who gets an invite and/or accepts an invite is always interesting, but Natasha and Kelley are VERY notable absences. Apparently Kelley didn’t even get invited, which is a tough look for our girl Kelley. Either they don’t like her and don’t want to give any fodder to the nascent “Kelley for Bachelorette” movement or their edit was so misleadingly vicious in Kelley’s final date that they don’t want her to have a chance to refute it. Either way, I want to hear from Kelley more than whoever Katrina is. Also missing are: Avonlea, Courtney, Eunice, Jade, Jasmine, Jenna, Lauren, Megan, and Payton. Among the randos, the only real news that seems to matter is that Alexa and Jasmine posted something on instagram that implies that they might be dating. That’s cool!
Chris Harrison asks the women about Madison’s issue, and Lexi and Sydney weigh in. Lexi is team “did you know about this show tho, dude’s gonna bone” and Sydney is team “stick to your guns and don’t let him smash.” But in the end no one really cares what Peter’s many exes think of his current girlfriends. They quickly pivot and start talking about Alayah, who left, read some spoilers, and came back. Alayah says her issue is “word vomit” and her “princess voice” and I guess that is why she told people too much stuff and in a voice that they didn’t like. Savannah calls out Alayah’s ex-friend Victoria P for “being fake” and if this were a deposition the transcript would say [crosstalk].
We use the term “champagne-gate” to describe the Chateau Des Moines situation. Kelsey says she thinks the special champagne was something she explained to everyone in the house and that when it happened she went “balls to the wall.” Kelsey is handling this in a good-natured way, so Chris Harrison reminds everyone that Tammy called her a pill-popping alcoholic lunatic. There is a montage that is heavy on Tammy shitting on her fellow contestants. Tammy had a pretty epic run on this show. She got in many fights and seemed never to interact with Peter except possibly when she was telling Peter bad things about other contestants. Tammy claims she was “coming from a place of concern” and adds that she was concerned for her own safety because they are all kissing the same dude. I mean, unless those pills have coronavirus, it is probably not a problem.
The show makes it clear that Mykenna and Tammy still don’t like each other and it is quite likely they will be on Paradise together. Mykenna asks Tammy to “come to Canada to learn to treat people with a little more love and kindness.” “Let me just ask the First Nations people, or perhaps the people your Prime Minister was mocking when he wore blackface” Tammy does not respond. Thankfully we are moving on to “the hot seat” portion where one contestant gets to mostly ignore the other women.
Kelsey gets the first ticket to the hot seat. Kelsey was rumored to be in the mix for Bachelorette, so it is unclear if while this was filmed she was still auditioning. Kelsey cries throughout the entire montage of highlights of her time with Peter, but honestly, she got dumped for Victoria F so she wasn’t actually all that close to wifing up this simple pilot man. Kelsey addresses her champagne campaign by saying “emotions are a good thing” and that is mostly true, though her emotions caused her to call Hannah Ann “a fake bitch” for essentially no reason, so maybe keep them in check sometimes? Chris Harrison calls on Ashley I, a lady from a different season who is known for crying a lot, to advise Kelsey. It is a blatant effort to shoehorn a franchise mainstay into another season of the show. Ashley I gives Kelsey a giant bottle of champagne and Kelsey is done.
We get an extended advertisement for a show called Listen To Your Heart which is basically A Star is Born if it were a reality show. Or the Bachelor if the contestants were the rando country acts that play on one-on-one dates on the Bachelor. It is technically in the Bachelor Universe so expect a non-weekly wrapup of the show on this blog sometime after it airs. A good way to get me interested is to reference Roxette. First cassette tape I ever bought was by Roxette! My taste has been impeccable forever!
Next up is Victoria F, and I guess we will find out whether she prefers undermining the Black Lives Matter movement or the institution of marriage. Just kidding, we won’t address the first one at all. Victoria F tells Chris Harrison that she didn’t realize how into her Peter was. Chris Harrison asks her “why couldn’t you let him in?” and Victoria F says “well… he wasn’t married to any of my friends, so…” She doesn’t, she says “he put up with a lot.” And that’s… accurate. Chris Harrison asks if Victoria F has broken up marriages and Victoria F says “absolutely not.” I think the evidence suggests maybe Victoria F does not exactly have clean hands here, but I think she knows people who went through a traumatic ending to a marriage aren’t likely to call her out on this publicly.
She can deny it all she wants. I spoke to the women involved. They know the truth. Hell, Victoria knows the truth, she just doesn't want to admit it for fear of backlash. Not a good look for her, but not the least bit surprising she continues to deny it.
— RealitySteve (@RealitySteve) February 22, 2020
I guess I should probably say that if the allegations are true it is very likely the dudes had something to do with the breaking up of the marriages. But, you know, we live in a world where women are generally denied agency unless it is something bad, and then they get all the blame.
Before we see Peter in the hot seat, we get the yearly tradition of Chris Harrison crashing Bachelor watch parties. This time Peter brings his parents. It is… a lot. The highlight is a joke about Peter and Chris Harrison losing track of Peter’s parents, only to find them making out in the back of a Chevy Suburban.
Peter takes the stage and tells Chris Harrison that he “will never have an experience like this again.” I mean, I hope so! Peter has to quickly re-dump Victoria F and Kelsey and he does that with aplomb. He handles some softball questions from Mykenna and Tammy. Savannah asks if he regrets keeping the drama queens around and not women who were “there for the right reasons.” But I would guess that Peter identified the 2.5 women he was into early on and let the producers do what they wanted with the rest. And that made for a highlight-rich season of meaningless drama.
Chris Harrison ends Peter’s time on the hot seat with some hard-to-convey bloopers and then says “give it up for America’s favorite pilot!” Somewhere former Bachelor Jake Pavelka and Sully “Miracle on the Hudson” Sullenberger are like “ouch!” Some other pilots popular among some Americans include: Buzz Aldrin, Martha McSally, Steven Hiller, Maverick, and Wedge Antilles.
Rachel Lindsay joins Chris Harrison to talk about “online harassment,” and Rachel Lindsay wants America to cut it out. Rachel Lindsay is going to read some mean tweets, which is maybe not the way to discourage people from posting things. People are shitty on the internet. Rachel Lindsay tears up a little while reading some pretty misogynistic and racist and grammatically-challenged tweets and DMs. All of the women on the season seem to have received some shitty stuff, including death threats sent to Tammy on her work email. While I think it is a valuable message and people should be less shitty, I’m not sure the people who write racist garbage on the internet will stop if they find out they have hurt the feelings of the people they were targeting. They will only stop when campaigning for their second term takes up too much of their time.